Life Day 23916: Happy Fruitcake Toss Day.

January 3, 2013 at 12:00 am | Posted in Today's Reasons To Celebrate | Leave a comment

Good morning fruitcakes. Today is January 3rd. I am beginning this BLOG with the “holidays” today because it is more apropos to the title upon which I decided.
And the first “holiday” today is Fruitcake Toss Day. I am not a big fan of fruitcake, especially those dense, sickeningly sweet things that one can buy in the stores during the Christmas season. I swear that fruitcake (those dense lumps of industrial waste) have a half-life equivalent to that of Plutonium. After the Apocalypse, whatever life form re-discovers this planet will find two things; Cockroaches, and fruitcake. They will find both because even cockroaches find fruitcake indigestible. Anyway, to celebrate this holiday, grab that fruitcake that Aunt Martha gave you for Christmas this year, (and if you haven’t yet re-gifted it, the one she gave you last year as well), gather a few friends with a similar dilemma, and go to a large vacant field. Then have a contest to see who can toss their fruitcake the farthest. What does the winner receive? What else, a fruitcake. WARNING: Please use extreme caution when the actual “tossing” begins. If a tossed fruitcake accidentally hits a spectator, it could cause serious bodily injury or death.
The second “holiday” today is Festival of Sleep Day. This holiday is actually a bit oxymoronic. How the heck are you supposed to sleep during a festival? What it actually means is that if you get a chance to get an extra 40 winks today, do so. After all, the holidays are over, and you are probably exhausted, so you deserve it. Just do not do this at work… lest it prove fatal to your employment status.
And the last “holiday” today is Humiliation Day. No, this does not mean that you should deliberately humiliate someone. In fact, it means the exact opposite. Go out of your way to avoid humiliating someone (including yourself) today, even if you feel they deserve it.

There is also a food related “holiday” today as well. It is National Chocolate Covered Cherry Day. The name of the holiday is in the singular, but feel free to indulge in more than one. I think that Trader Joe’s sells chocolate-covered cherries spiked with booze. Double your pleasure, double your fun.

Here are a few significant events in history that occurred on January 3rd:
In 1833, Britain seized control of the Falkland Islands. About 150 years later, Argentina seized the Islands back, but only managed to hold on to them for 74 days before Britain re-seized them. I guess that the Falkland Islands are just naturally subject to seizures.
In 1868, the Shogunate was abolished in Japan, and the Meiji Dynasty was returned to power.
In 1871, Henry W. Bradley patented oleomargarine. I would be willing to guess that “you could believe that crap wasn’t butter.”
In 1888, Marvin C. Stone patented the drinking straw.
In 1924, English explorer Howard Carter discovered the sarcophagus of King Tut in The Valley of the Kings near Luxor, Egypt.
In 1938, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt established the National Foundation for Infantile Paralysis to help combat Polio. It was later renamed the March of Dimes.
In 1947, U.S. Congressional proceedings were televised for the first time.
In 1951, NBC television debuted “Dragnet.”
In 1959, Alaska became the 49th state.
In 1980, conservationist Joy Adamson, author of “Born Free” was killed in northern Kenya by a servant.
And, in 2000, Charles Schulz’s final daily “Peanuts” comic strip appeared in newspapers.

If you were born on this date, you share a birthday with the following list of illustrious individuals:
J.R.R. Tolkien, 1892.
Zasu Pitts, 1898.
Ray Milland, 1905.
Victor Borge, 1909.
Maxine Andrews, 1916 (The Andrews Sisters).
George Martin, 1926 (three-time New York Yankees manager).
Dabney Coleman, 1932 (character actor).
Bobby Hull, 1939 (NHL).
Victoria Principal, 1944 (Dallas).
Stephen Stills. 1945 (Buffalo Springfield/Crosby, Stills, & Nash).
And finally, Mel Gibson, 1956 (Mad Max).

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